Welcome to the Gazette's annual Spoof Issue! All of these articles are fun and satire, so don't take them seriously. Or do, we can't control you.
Students love Meisha
Survey finds students ignoring Alan Shepard’s video messages in favour of watching Meisha
We begin our show tonight with some breaking news: Alan Shepard, president of Western University, is in fact the person in the video announcements, not the dog.
Gazette endorses jalapeno cheddar
While this article is a part of our annual Spoof Issue, this editorial very much represents the real opinions of the Gazette's editorial board.
While this article is part of the Spoof Issue, it represents very real opinions from the Gazette's editorial board. We take Spoke bagels very seriously.
Gucci or goodbye
As students wonder what the incoming in-person school year might look like, Ivey Business Sc…
Administrators were very disappointed to see students in their pyjamas on Zoom and have become fearful that students behaving like human beings might damage Ivey’s prestigious international reputation.
Campus is a "love free" zone
In an email to students, Western University president Alan Shepard detailed his plans to make campus a “love free” zone, after surveys found an increase in student loneliness due to the pandemic.
It's no secret the pandemic has been hard on students' sex lives. But now, at least they don't have to worry about seeing happy couples on campus.
In Western’s latest attempt to combat increasing mental health concerns, president Alan Shep…
Western's president Alan Shepard even wrangled the geese himself!
Just checking in …
With the incredible response to Western's last mental health message, the university has made plans to send them out on a weekly basis.
Now in technicolour
Fakirani explained the colour purple is mixed using equal parts blue and red, whereas the USC logo colour, #4F2784, has significantly more blue than red
Experts say light red is the season's hottest colour.
Where is Middlesex College anyways?
Hundreds of frosh and sophs are arriving late to class, with no knowledge of where any building is on campus.
This year's frosh were excited to become sophs and help out incoming students. But after a year online, many had never stepped foot on campus before.
See who takes home the title
Top food connoisseurs come to London to find Western's best eatery through a tournament bracket.
Western's eateries duke it out to see who will win the prized Purple Apron.
These geese are not happy
Western University's Canada geese had little impediment to their roaming this year. But, with the university's plan to reopen in September, the geese aren't pleased.
While most students anxiously awaiting their return to campus, Western's geese are worried about what this means for their ability to roam free next fall.
This is a serious matter
Clicking onto the “tests & quizzes” tab on OWL, students nervously await the release of …
Due to COVID-19, snitches no longer get stitches as a result of social distancing regulations, leaving snitches to run rampant and students to live in fear during open-book exams.
Degrees of separation
In an unexpected turn of events, Western decided they just couldn't live without Huron.
Western Student Experience is launching a new mental health program through the early-2000s …
Webkinz was a fun, calming game as a kid, so why wouldn't it also work for adults?
Rags to riches
In a shocking turn of events second-year Arts and Humanities student, Isa Frahd, stumbled in…
Wow! A student responded to what everyone thought was a phishing email — you won't believe what happens next!
Hip with the kids
The decision follows after McGhie realized most students simply lack the social capital to enjoy the same outdated tunes every week.
“I hated being dragged to those yeehaw things every week just to listen to a bunch of boomer songs I have literally never heard before," one student tells the Gazette.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
"It’s important for us to keep up our reputation of having attractive students,” said president Alan Shepard.
"It’s important for us to keep up our reputation of having nice-looking students,” said president Alan Shepard.
Join the clubhouse!
Western University is opening a new residence, the Hasenfratz Family Bunk-House, which is gaining rave reviews from students on campus
Western will convert Thames Hall into an open floor plan residence where students share bunk beds, all inspired by chancellor Hasenfratz's relaxing vacation.
Yop me mama
Science sophs announce delicious new partnership - and change their "yips" for "yops"
The Science sophs struck a deal that will give them a cool new catchphrase and copious amounts of drinkable yogurt.
Wandering in a winter wonderland
Students can now sled on UC hill with the new renovations made by the university.
Grab your snowboots and $500 kids, it's time to hit the slopes.
“I only heard ‘Mr. Brightside’ once that night. It kind of threw me off my game,” says returning grad after a night out filled with TikTok dances.
Brush up on your TikTok dances or honestly, don't bother going to the club post-pandemic.
Exceeding gathering limits
After several warnings, Western University levied action against geese violating physical distancing requirements, banning them from campus for the foreseeable future.
"Get out your chequebooks, because we're coming for you," the Mayor warned campus geese.
Your honour, I rest my case
In an era of economic and social uncertainty, the comments I’ve seen levelled against me — I…
Geography student Hinda Lasenfratz on why chancellor Linda Hasenfratz had the right idea all along.
A student bit by a goose on campus is patient zero of the novel Govid-21 virus
A student developed strange symptoms, such as uncontrollable rage, honk-like coughing, as well as frequent bouts of small green-coloured feces after he was bitten by a goose on campus.
Geese Feathers enrols into Western's wildlife program, helps other students and turns out to be nice guy.
To most students' surprise, Goose Feathers is actually a pretty swell guy.