We can all agree that distanced love has zero perks.
That being said, it doesn’t have to be miserable. Sexual compatibility and pleasure are a considerable aspect of relationships — something the coronavirus pandemic has made impossible for many couples.
While you can’t meet your partner face-to-face, you don’t have to completely forgo your sex life. Instead, here are some tips to maintaining distanced love — sex, but over the phone.
The most important part of engaging in any type of sexual activity is establishing boundaries between you and your partner.
Consent is key.
Before actively engaging in phone sex — over text, audio only or video chat — it’s worthwhile to come up with a “yes, no and maybe” list. This outlines what is safe territory for you and your partner and what's off limits.
Establish a safe-word to use if things go too far or if you’re uncomfortable with where the conversation is going. It’s easy to get carried away over the phone, so being able to quickly vocalize your discomfort will keep the experience enjoyable and safe.
Do your research
Think back to when you first started having sex — you probably had a lot of questions and realized that not everything happened exactly the way you thought it would.
Similarly, phone-sex can also surprise you. The internet, in this case, can be your best friend. Research tips and tricks to maximize the experience or read through candid experiences to prepare yourself for your individual journey.
Start with sexting
We can all admit it’s easier to hide behind a screen, so when you start ramping up your sex-life from a distance, sexting can be a great way to begin.
Once you're comfortable expressing yourself through text and are able to find the appropriate words to vocalize your thoughts and feelings, you can try to migrate to phone calls.
Get out of your head
Are you going to have awkward moments? Will you laugh at something your partner says?
One hundred per cent.
It’s all a part of the experience and there’s no such thing as “messing up.” Sex isn’t always a movie reel and neither is phone sex. Both you and your partner will have a better time if you let the inhibitions go and simply live in the moment.
Ask questions and be vocal
Not being able to touch your partner means that you’ll have to rely on voice interaction much more than you’re used to. A good way to overcome silences is to ask a lot of directed questions and supply clear and descriptive answers.
For example, instead of saying “what do you want to do?” perhaps say “where should I touch you first?” Once they respond with a location, follow-up and ask “would you like me to touch you with my hands or my mouth?”
From there, you can just get into it.
Listen and respond to your partner
Listen for vocal cues to see what your partner likes and doesn't like.
Once you’ve asked them a series of questions to understand what they want, narrate what the experience would be like if you two were face-to-face. This will require a little imagination from both parties and a back-and-forth to keep the tempo consistent.
Build on previous memories
If you find yourself at a loss of where to start, reminisce old sexual experiences you’ve had with your partner.
“Remember that one time you...” and from there you can paint the picture to establish a mood. Talk about what you liked, ask them what they liked and what you’d both enjoy doing again.
Explore new fantasies
Once you’ve established a rhythm with your partner and have gotten comfortable over the phone, use this opportunity to try out new fantasies. As most of phone-sex relies on active imagination, you can use it to sample fantasies without committing to them.
This can be role-play or describing a position you’ve never tried before — perhaps engaging in BDSM. The sky is the limit!
End it with pillow talk
Just like real sex with your partner, it’s important to wind down after phone sex.
During the first few times you try it out, take this time to reflect on the experience. Talk about what you liked, didn’t like and if phone sex is even something you’d want to try again.
Try out “virtually cuddling” with your voices — it sounds odd, but just means talking to each other until you’re able to reconnect past your orgasms.
Distanced love isn’t easy and maintaining a sexually driven relationship is even harder. These tricks are just a few of the ways to keep your sex life fruitful and alive.
This article is part of the annual Sex Issue, read the issue and see the remote photoshoot online now.